Dear Mr Terrorist,
How the hell are you? Rhetorical question. Don't answer
that. Why do you do this? What do you hope to achieve killing innocent people?
I believe you are not aware of this but the majority of the world's population
is allergic to a condition called death, and you're helping spread the
infection. (Okay, maybe not majority, but these studies use sample sizes).
Do you even realise the amount of discomfort people have to
face because of you, other than losing their limbs and lives of course? Air
travel has become a torture. The endless security checks mean a 10-hour flight
becomes a 16-hour ordeal of intrusive pat downs with straight-faced airline
staff asking us to honestly reveal if we are carrying bombs or other incendiary
objects. (I wonder if they run into honest terrorists who admit to such a thing.)
Anyway, I digress. You kind folks are the reason they don't
allow liquids aboard flights anymore, barring the contents of your bladder. An
old uncle who suffered from a bizarre addiction to cranberry juice cursed your
lot till the day he died as he couldn't carry his precious juice with him on
flights. I believe one of his expletives started with nincom and ended with
poop.
Forget flights, even the neighbourhood movie theatre now
frisks two-year-olds for explosives. Sure, some of it is justified in case people
get violent after sitting through a Sajid Khan film, but you sir, are to blame
for this state of chaos and distrust on the streets. People worry about going
shopping in case there are blasts in the market. Well, husbands are not too
unhappy about it but it takes a toll on the economy, you know.
Our VIPs need so much protection from you that our roads get
jammed whenever they travel. Even terrorists can't be so cruel that they
subject people to the torture of a traffic jam. That's just inhumane. If you
had a conscience I'd appeal to it right now.
Another grouse I have with you is the villains you are
giving Hollywood. Remember the good old days when the villain was usually a
slimy, ugly alien? Well those times are gone. Now our movies show terrorists
attacking the White House instead of aliens, and we have to sit through that
drivel. You and your AK-47s are to blame for this.
Frankly, I feel euthanasia with a heavy dose of barbiturates
is a pleasant alternative to a suicide bombing. You guys should consider it.
I'd urge you to reconsider killing people to satisfy your
prehistoric craving for fame and power. Besides, as my late grandmother used to
say (God bless her soul), killing is just not a nice thing.
Think about it.
To paraphrase Rumi, out beyond ideas of terrorism and
religion there is a field. I'll meet you there for biryani.
Yours truly,
I am not a
Khan
Neither I am
a terrorist
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| Graphics : Debojyoti |
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