An open letter

Dear Mr Terrorist,

How the hell are you? Rhetorical question. Don't answer that. Why do you do this? What do you hope to achieve killing innocent people? I believe you are not aware of this but the majority of the world's population is allergic to a condition called death, and you're helping spread the infection. (Okay, maybe not majority, but these studies use sample sizes).

Do you even realise the amount of discomfort people have to face because of you, other than losing their limbs and lives of course? Air travel has become a torture. The endless security checks mean a 10-hour flight becomes a 16-hour ordeal of intrusive pat downs with straight-faced airline staff asking us to honestly reveal if we are carrying bombs or other incendiary objects. (I wonder if they run into honest terrorists who admit to such a thing.)

Anyway, I digress. You kind folks are the reason they don't allow liquids aboard flights anymore, barring the contents of your bladder. An old uncle who suffered from a bizarre addiction to cranberry juice cursed your lot till the day he died as he couldn't carry his precious juice with him on flights. I believe one of his expletives started with nincom and ended with poop.

Forget flights, even the neighbourhood movie theatre now frisks two-year-olds for explosives. Sure, some of it is justified in case people get violent after sitting through a Sajid Khan film, but you sir, are to blame for this state of chaos and distrust on the streets. People worry about going shopping in case there are blasts in the market. Well, husbands are not too unhappy about it but it takes a toll on the economy, you know.

Our VIPs need so much protection from you that our roads get jammed whenever they travel. Even terrorists can't be so cruel that they subject people to the torture of a traffic jam. That's just inhumane. If you had a conscience I'd appeal to it right now.

Another grouse I have with you is the villains you are giving Hollywood. Remember the good old days when the villain was usually a slimy, ugly alien? Well those times are gone. Now our movies show terrorists attacking the White House instead of aliens, and we have to sit through that drivel. You and your AK-47s are to blame for this.

Frankly, I feel euthanasia with a heavy dose of barbiturates is a pleasant alternative to a suicide bombing. You guys should consider it.

I'd urge you to reconsider killing people to satisfy your prehistoric craving for fame and power. Besides, as my late grandmother used to say (God bless her soul), killing is just not a nice thing. 
Think about it.

To paraphrase Rumi, out beyond ideas of terrorism and religion there is a field. I'll meet you there for biryani.

Yours truly,
I am not a Khan

Neither I am a terrorist

Graphics : Debojyoti