Death of a Bangalee


In a video that has recently gone viral in the Bengali inter-webs, noted Bengali intellectual Chandril lets loose on the moribund state of the Bengali language. To sum up his arguments: Bengali as a language is progressing to its death. This is because speaking in English and Hindi has a premium feel to it, while Bengali, in its most traditional form, reeks of “I am sorry, I couldn’t do any better in life”. While recognizing the inevitability of a language changing, he draws a distinction between a type of change that is inevitable, like developing a bald spot, and the type of change that is death, like having the head cut off. Bengali, he posits, is on the latter path, and while one may have issues with his basic premise, one cannot but be amazed by the way he delivers it, the turn of phrase, the Bengali he himself uses, and the examples he digs out to support his contention. 


For me personally, the change in Bengali is disquieting, in the way many other changes to Calcutta and Bengal are. I first started being aware of this change through the lyrics of Bengali movie songs like “Yeh haowa silky silky bole jaaye baatein dil ki, chalo na bheshe jaai jowaare, rubaro, masti maange dil maahi ve” and “Ooh lala I love you my Soniye ooh lala” where the sheer number of Hindi words overpowered Bangla. And then I happened to watch some Bengali movies, and listen to Bengali celebrities talk, and it’s not just the words that hit me in the stomach, it was the effing pronunciation. For some strange reason, Bengalis born and brought up in Kolkata can’t seem to pronounce Bangla anymore.

Where I disagree with Chandril is on the concept of death. A language does not die as long as it is used by people. Here his counterpoint is that just because a language is used by a lot of people, does not mean it is alive, it matters only if it is used by rich people. This to me is elitist Bangla has mutated, no doubt, and this makes many of us uncomfortable, but that does not de-legitimize what it has become.

And to me what’s important is not that Bengali has mutated, but why it has mutated. It is because the classical model of the pure tongue has failed, decades of Communism by name and now Communism by proxy, has led to flight of those who spoke in classical Bangla, to other states and to other shores. Calcutta, the bastion of the fair tongue whose demise Chandril laments, has been gutted of its middle class, leaving either the super-rich, many of whom non-Bengalis by birth, or the poor, immigrants from Bihar and UP and Bangladesh, and the mutations of Bangla, the influx of Hindi words and the twisting of the pronunciations, reflect that shift in the underlying demographics.

What Chandril ends up doing is articulating, in a very articulate way, the anger of the last vestiges of the intellectual middle class still in Calcutta, the reduction in prominence manifesting itself as rage at the change in what was once a comforting constant, the words they hear.

Which also explains why there is the strong whiff of persecution-mania that runs through this argument that , Bengalis are ashamed of Bengali. As I had once said in a debate with the editor of Desh, the language you will find most Bengalis want to learn is Java, (and yes Java has all the characteristics of a language, there is good code and there is bad code and there are rules of grammar), and it’s not because they feel ashamed of the languages they know, but because Java is the language that affords them the most opportunities. Bengalis write in English because they want to be read by more people, not because they find it downmarket.

If there is something the Bengali intellectuals should be angry at is the manifestation of the mutation, but what caused it, and most importantly, their own continuing complicity in that very change. To put it simply, you can’t go on lobbying for BongoShonmans by anointing Mamata Banerjee as Rabindranath Tagore reborn and then turn around and rue the fact that people use “keno ki” as a surrogate for “kyon ki”.

The Problem with Perfection

32 26 32…. That’s the magic number right?

Who made this the magic number?

Who made fair, tall, thin, doe-like eyes, rosy lips is the ideal beauty, right?

Who set this standard?

I bet you desperately want to know the answers to these questions. I do too.

I don’t have the answers to these questions, but I do know that you have a greater problem with people around you who believe in these standards of beauty more than the people who made the norm. You probably have a problem with yourself too for believing these unrealistic standards of beauty and failing at achieving them.

Every new person you meet and of course the old acquaintances have an opinion about how you look, about the colour of your skin, your eyes, your nose, your lips, your pimples, your eyebrows, body hair, weight, height and what not. Strangely enough, these opinions are almost similar. We have all been culturally conditioned into believing these standards of beauty.

The problem is that we believe these stereotypical notions and examine ourselves on the basis of the set standards. We then tirelessly try to achieve these standards, go on diets, beauty treatments, ridiculous fitness regimes, sometimes even surgery. But then we end up feeling bad irrespective of whether we’ve achieved these goals or not, because this internal negative critique has transformed into a habit. Even when one fit into the perfect size, the happiness does not last, as the body image issues have become an integral part of people’s self-definition and anything else seems unfamiliar. 

Why does perfection need to be a punishing routine, leading to obsessive, rigid behaviour? Why should it rely heavily on judgement, and exclude normal life? Obviously, it isn’t meant to be a human trait. Human beings are designed to have flaws; perfection is meant for the Gods.

Usually we strive toward being perfect to compensate for a sense of inadequacy. People who want to be perfect usually have an exaggerated sense of their own shortcomings. They typically received messages earlier in life that they weren't good enough. So they decided that only by being perfect would they be beyond reproach. Perfectionists tend to think that other people are somehow better or superior to them, so they need to be without flaw just to catch up. 

Yesterday was one of those days when my urge to look appealing won over my common sense. So I finished all my household chores and went to the parlour. I am not the usual college going or young client so the look the hairdresser gave me told me everything he thought about me. I said that I had come for a hair treatment. He showed me to a chair. And then my ordeal started.

He started by saying that my hair was completely damaged and that nothing could be done. My hair lacked moisture and strength according to him. I felt that I had wasted a trip and was ready to leave since he said that there was nothing he could do.
He stopped me and said that he would try to do the necessary corrections (yes, that’s what he said). I sat there for two hours and all the time he was just telling me how bad my hair was. I listened to all of it and didn’t want to say anything while my hair was in his hands.

When he was done, the look he gave me reminded me of the ugly duckling story. I paid the bill, said thank you, and me being me, could not leave without telling him what I thought.

I told him that my hair was dry and unmanageable, which was the very reason for which I came to the parlour. I told him that he was giving me a service for which he was charging me and he should stop giving unsolicited advice. I said that I was well informed about the condition of my hair and also the remedies available. I tipped him nevertheless and walked out.

It is not the first time that this has happened; every time we go to a parlour, the beautician will reveal so many imperfections in our faces, bodies and hair that sometimes we may end up believing that we are really very ugly.

I know they are trying to promote their business and sell as much as they can but sometimes, even if rarely, it may dent our confidence.
It’s about time we too stop torturing ourselves and others with these unrealistic standards of the ideal beauty. Because hey, there is no ideal! So let’s start by accepting and loving ourselves. Let’s change the definitions of beauty; beauty is something very abstract anyway. Make a conscious effort not to judge people by their appearance and judge all ads that reinforce the irrational standards of beauty. 

And always remember that the character of your mind and internal being (soul, if you will) can never match the outward appearance, so turn a deaf ear to those voices that tell you about your bodily imperfections. So let’s flaunt the hairy and waxed limbs, flabby curves and bony edges, fair and dark skin, scars and dimples alike devoid of all filters.

Kolkata Book Fair - a potpourri of memories

My association with the Book Fair goes back to the days when I had just started bearing the idea of what books were. I was born in a typical Kolkata family where books are valued and archived. This is one of the many common things which run in the households of my city, the others being a compilation of Tagore’s works, immense love for all culinary delicacies  and an album of Mohiner Ghoraguli.



“Book Fair! So it is an entire fair dedicated to books?”

“Yes, lots of books from home and abroad.”


My father had a rather simple way of explaining the concept of a fair dedicated completely to books to me.

That was many years ago. Since then, many things have changed -“Calcutta” is now called “Kolkata”, the venue of the fair has moved from “Kolkata Maidan” to a much more organised and environment friendly “Milan Mela grounds” and I have outgrown a grey hair or two.

In between all that, the book fair has managed to become something that I look forward to, every year. Not only because it is about one of my favourite things – books, but also about a few of my favourite people.

The Book Fair was not just a matter of a few days; it was months of preparation and hard work for the the organizers as well as the writers. Way back in the late 90s, when Facebook and Twitter were a near future, the writers and translators depended on these fairs as a platform to get known to the world.This annual cultural event is actually potpourri of books, friends, nostalgia, music, food, people and of course, ‘adda’.

My first memories of the book fair relates to buying “Nonte Phonte” comic books or Chinese short story books translated in Bengali while holding my father’s hands. He was the one who introduced me to the world of 'Calcutta' Book Fair. During those days, the fair used to be held at Kolkata Maidan. I was barely six or seven and the mighty gates, huge crowds and the sight of the imposing Victoria Memorial nearby, sketched a picture of molten warmth wrapped Kolkata winter in my mind. Somehow, that is one imagery of Kolkata that has remained with me always.

I used to stare at the huge volumes of “Sarat Rochonaboli” or works of Sunil Gangopadhyay on the racks while my father said – “Ogulo na boroder boi, boro holey porbey, kemon?” (Those are books for grown-ups. You can read them when you are a grown-up too.)

Time, they say, waits for none. While ‘growing up’ I still visited Book fair religiously with my father every year but I also went back several times every year along with my friends. I progressed from Feluda to a more mature Byomkesh or the complex Miss Marple and Hercule Poirot on the ‘detective’ stories front.

My annual trips to book fair also gradually turned out to be ones where I would buy new novels of Suchitra Bhattacharya, get acquainted with the classic works of Jane Austen and Ashapurna Devi.

I was not living anymore in Kolkata when the venue shifted to Milan Mela grounds. As I read the news, my heart longed for the the Benfish stall right in the middle of the fair. Okay, I confess. I ate all of them. Because one should never book-hunt on an empty stomach. Or discriminate between the Coffee House laddoo, the Rollick ice cream, the Fish Fry from Benfish and the Paan from Mantu’s.

I did not attend the fair for many years in between. When I returned to live in Kolkata again, many a fancy new book stores had opened up in the city while the eternal College Street was always there, yet the joy of smelling a bag full of fresh new books bought at the book fair had not waned a bit. Just the way, the ritual of holding hands with your first love and gathering at the book fair to share your story with a set of trusted friends never gets old.

The eternally youthful city the continues to discuss which stall has the biggest queue, which new author is asking the most uncomfortable questions through the pen or just breaks into a new song of hope, every now and then.

Kolkata Book Fair is actually a celebration of our lives, of good old charm of Kolkata, of winter afternoons, of books and old friends and first loves – first loves which were about old Bengali classics and the fragrance of the ‘forbidden’ hidden inside the first read Saratchandra novel.

Body Shaming – The Ugly Humor

I’ve come to terms with my body: I will never be skinny.

I was never naturally skinny. My bones are huge, I’ve had big muscles since I was five years old, and I put on weight eating anything that enters my body, healthy or unhealthy. Over the years, I’ve learned what works and what doesn’t. I’m not skinny anymore, but I’m also not fat. I’m just normal ME.

I’ve done it all: exercise and diet, only diet, diet pills, water bloat pills, only exercise, starving, starving and exercise, and eating like a completely normal person.

I’m tired of fighting my body. It’s a constant battle to fight how it wants to look with the way I want it to look. I could sit here and name hundreds of celebrities that I wish to look like, but I will never look like them. I won’t give up on eating healthy, I won’t give up on exercising, I won’t give up on taking care of my healthy, but I will give up on false hope, false imagine, and false goals.

Being judged is never nice. It is harsh and cruel and can lead to so many lasting damaging results; you wouldn't call someone an asshole to their face because you understand how hurtful this could be, so why is it any different to see someone over weightweight and say the same thing?

My answer? society. On a daily basis we are inundated with juice fads, new diets to try, new instagram filers and apps to remove any flaws. We are bombarded with ways to make our lives, our bodies and our social media accounts 'perfect', without giving a second thought to what 'perfect' actually entails.

I’d tried

to look like people that I will never be. Telling myself I will look like someone if I eat this or do that is just a lie I keep telling myself to validate my actions. I want to look like the best version of myself, not anyone else. I’m going to stop posting “inspo”, or “fitpiration” of other girls. I could eat the same diet, do the same workouts, but I will never look like them. Everyone’s body is different and we forget that sometimes. We just get upset with ourselves when we don’t reach goals or see the results we hoped for.

A number, whether on a scale or on a measuring tape, cannot quantify the value that you have. It cannot count all the ways this world needs you. It can't define your health or project your success. Your weight does not measure your worth.

Fat-shaming is the reality of the world we live in. There are still huge numbers of people in the world who feel good about themselves by shaming other people’s bodies.

And, when a woman’s body is in the question, the majority have their own view of the “perfect body.” Unfortunately, the definition of the perfect body has no room for what the body-shamers like to call, “the ugly fat.”

A fat woman, a thin woman, a short woman, a tall woman, a fair woman, a dark woman, you have left none outside your body shaming loop. If a woman is fat, you say she is very fat, if she is thin, you say she is very thin. If she is fair, you say she shouldn’t have been that fair, and if she is dark, you say she can’t be seen in the night! But you have made it certain that your comment has to be passed on every woman you encounter. And when I say “passing the comment,” it doesn’t necessarily imply eve-teasing. It also includes you judging her, solely on the basis of her body, albeit in your own minds, or whispering it to friends of yours.

It’s as if we as a society are not happy with the way women are. We always try to find flaws in her, however trivial or imaginary the flaw may be. It seems that we are searching for something out-of-the-world, some imaginary “perfection” in women’s bodies. And if a woman doesn’t possess this imaginary “perfection” in her body, she is not considered as “beautiful”. This herd mentality of judging a woman, based on her height, skin colour, body shape and size, has grown into a mass hysteria wherein young boys and girls, not older than 12 or 13 years of age, start having these notions of the ideal body and pressurize themselves to the extent of going into depression, just because they are constantly mocked at by their peers, or the society in general.

The next time you see a friend stressing over a couple of extra kilograms, offer her a compliment. Tell her about how beautiful her smile is or how her strikingly pretty eyes are a dream. Or put your arm around her shoulder and rave about how sharp her dressing sense is, would it be possible to snag a consulting session? The way we talk to our girls will go a long way in defining what they grow up to be like, it’ll matter, it’ll leave behind an everlasting impression.





Banter of a Lazy Mind

Poo-nah became Pu-nay. Along the way, the hobbling pensioner town turned into a dancing, trancing, blond sanyasin, and then a preening IT girl.

Getting on the map now also means getting into the jihadi’s crosshairs. Pune recently learnt that there are many ways of being global. Just as Mumbai did, or Bangalore, Hyderabad, Jaipur, or any in that bloodied litany.

In the simpler ‘Poonah’  times,  if you were a Parsi growing up in Bombay, you treated this salubrious little town as your  ‘monsoon capital’ much as the Presidency colonials had done. You played amidst the ancient trees in your getaway bungalow, pigged out on high teas at the Club, or later, in as obligatory rite of passage, varroomed up the
ghats on daredevil motorcycles.

But even in faraway Calcutta, the loveliest mothers of my friends had all been ‘Poona girls’. Little did we know of its Peshwa glory, its literary fame. Less did we care. ‘Poonah’ was a state of mind before the big C’s of commerce and concrete ate into the idyll with carcinogenic greed. And ruined the climate too.

I had a Wordsworth moment the other day.

It was a warm, sleepy Pune afternoon at my society's park. With my headphones on, I went for a lazy stroll. Everybody in the park was happy, mellow and relaxed. Even the icy expression on Aunty Victoria's statue seemed to have thawed a bit in the afternoon breeze.


The sunlight filtering through the treetops made beautiful dappled patterns on the duck pond. It reflected off the oiled heads of a lone couple under a sprawling banyan, and brought the bald pate of a man asleep on a bench, into dramatic focus. A bunch of burqa clad women were busy picking fallen leaves out of their lunch boxes as they sat in a circle, giggling.

Everything was just as lazy as it could get. Then it suddenly took me back to my...well Calcutta days.

I still remember those lanes that led to my school, and a friend's house next to the school, where I've spend hundreds of lazy afternoons. I used to wait for the school bus, standing in front of a shop that sold hot "kochuri" in the morning, and it was always crowded. The school bus gave a short tour through the crowded South Calcutta streets as it picked up my friends waiting at different stops.

And then, stepping out of school and landing up in University opened the door to a completely new world for me. It was during my college days that I actually started exploring the city, got closer to her, and fell in love with her every now and then.

Walking down from college to home was something I loved, and I had numerous reasons for enjoying the walk...The friend who accompanied me and the conversations we had, the Benfish bus that offered Prawn cutlets in front of Dakshinapan, the Elaichi-chaa at Gariahat.

There were countless days when I bunked college and roamed around Nandan, or took a walk around the St.Paul's Cathedral. Tibetan Delights, a shabby restaurant in the dingy Elgin Road lanes, serving excellent momos and soup was my favorite. A friend, who came from a far away land, used to insist me to get my books and to sit and study at the gardens next to Victoria Memorial. We hardly read a line, and spend the afternoons laughing and gossiping. It seemed that she knew Calcutta more than I did, and I often used to wonder how she knows all the details about the places. Perhaps that's the way things unfold - we are always more eager to know about things that are distant to us. Surprisingly, she showed me a lot of Calcutta that was unknown to me. It was more fun to explore with her because people (autowalas, shopkeepers mostly) got amazed when she used to speak in Hindi and at times broken Bangla.

I think am aging. Wait. No! I think there's so much that Calcutta has to offer, I guess I can never pen-down everything... Now that I've moved out of the city, I look back and cherish all of that. All the memories are intrinsically weaved with certain people - those people who added colors to my life. May be it is only when you cease to do the things you have to do, and do the things you like to do and you want to do, that you achieve the highest value of your time.

Last time when I was in Kolkata – which I still think of as Calcutta – and am glad to report that it’s much as it’s always been. The old Howrah bridge is there, and the Victoria Memorial, and the Maidan with its vendors selling spicy jhaal moori flavoured with mustard oil, and puchkas – what north Indians called golgappas – flavoured with something you really don’t want to know about. But what pleased me most was that the most Kolkatan thing about Kolkata – or indeed, all of Bengal – was not just in evidence but was obviously going from strength to strength: the institution of the adda.

Other communities pass the time in idle chatter and gossip. Not so the Bengali. There is nothing idle about his chatter or gossip, which goes by the local name of ‘adda’. For the Bengali, adda is not mere time-pass; it is a timeless passion. It is a conversation devoutly to be wished, and the Bengali spends hours at it, convinced of the profound truth that adda is not a waste of time, but rather that time is a waste of adda. What is the topic of discussion at an adda? Anything and everything, from mountains to molehills, from the sublime genius of Manikda (Satyajit Ray to you) to the stepmotherly treatment meted out to Sourav Ganguly by the raskails (rascals) who run the IPL.

Oh! Calcutta.


Snap! Back to reality. As I turned back, I caught something out of the corner of my eye. Nothing quite prepared me for what I was about to see. An ocean of roses. Of every colour and shape. Some as big as two palms cupped together. All in bloom, all at once.

I spotted the old favourites that my grandmother had taught me to name: The baby-pink Eterna, the lavender Whiskey, the delightfully fragrant yellow-and-red Double Delight, the blood red Prince Edward. And hundreds of nameless but astoundingly beautiful others. Absolutely breathtaking.

Like "Amchi Mumbai", there's "Apla Pune". There's nothing more beuatiful than a quiet spring afternoon in Pune. The city has its own charm. So I put on my headphones back and start humming...

"I'm sitting here in the boring room
It's just another rainy Sunday afternoon
I'm wasting my time
I got nothing to do
I'm hanging around
I'm waiting for you
But nothing ever happens and I wonder."



Why you need to be present for a reading

I have been contacted by many to do readings over the phone. Well, in this virtual world I guess it is justified. However, what I believe, it takes focus and concentration while picking up the cards for a better reading.

The more focused and concentrated you are when you ask your question and the more emotion behind the question before your tarot card reading the better answer you will receive. Your subconscious will help you choose which cards you most need to see at that moment in time. You may not like the answer, but you will receive an answer.

I have also had experiences where the same cards will come up in a reading multiple days and even weeks in a row. This is because you haven’t addressed the issue in your subconscious mind. Take some time to research in more depth the meanings of the specific tarot cards and really think about how it applies to your life.


Tarot is a great method and way of learning about your life and what would be a good idea to be concentrating on right now. Learn about the things that are affecting you at this point in time. It gives you a good feeling to get some answers and gain security and knowledge of positive knowing. Even if you don’t like the response, at least you can know how to deal with what the cards are telling you and what is coming up in the near future if you stay on your current path.

Do Tarot Card Readings Really Work?


Have you ever heard someone say, “I’m too scared to have my Tarot cards read. They might tell me something I don’t want to know, like something bad is going to happen!”

I sure have. Maybe you’ve even thought it yourself, before you knew anything about Tarot.


Every time I hear a statement like this, it breaks my heart. It means that people who feel this way are missing out on one of the most powerful tools available to us as intuitive beings – the Tarot. And instead of seeing themselves as creators of the future, they’re becoming victims of the future.

Tarot is a system that can help show you the path to love, health, and joy. It can show you how to live your life with no regrets, and reap the greatest rewards from life's lessons.

Oftentimes, clients want to know when they will get married, have children, get rich, etc. – all events which may occur now or far into the future. However, can a Tarot reading really ‘predict’ what will occur in 2 months, 2 years or even 22 years down the track?

Let’s start with the short answer. Having read various Tarot blog and forum posts, the general consensus is that a Tarot reading is valid for six to twelve months. No doubt this takes into account that life changes along the way, and that six to twelve months is a reasonable amount of time for these changes to occur. However, this does seem quite generalist.

The long answer – it all depends!

As a reader myself, I always tell my clients two things:


1: Nothing I say here is set in stone.

2: Everything can change depending on your decisions. Even a really bright future can turn sour and a bad future can turn around in a heartbeat.

If the Tarot doesn’t tell you the future, then what does it tell you?

Tarot won’t tell you exactly what will happen – for example, what will happen in your job, the exact date you’ll meet your future husband or the first name of your first child.

But it can predict what could happen based on your present circumstances. And it can show you what action to take now to manifest your goals in the future.

This quote from Paulo Coelho’s book, The Alchemist, captures this sentiment perfectly:

When people consult me, it’s not that I’m reading the future; I am guessing at the future… How do I guess at the future? Based on the omens of the present. The secret is here in the present. If you pay attention to the present, you can improve upon it. And if you improve on the present, what comes later will also be better.

Today’s Spiritual Insight

Travelling



When this card appears, it indicates the time of movement and change. It may be a physical movement from one way of being to another.

However, whatever the case, this card promises that the going will be easy and will bring the sense of adventure and growth - there is no reason to struggle or plan too much.

Travelling card also reminds us to accept and embrace the new. This attitude of openess and acceptance invites new friends and experiences into our lives.

Today’s Spiritual Insight

Each day I will pick up your cards to give you an idea of what your day might look like today.  If you don’t like what it has to say, maybe changing your mindset to something more positive or taking some sort of action will give you a better outlook.  If the card is good, then keep the path you’re on.

Inner Voice

The Inner Voice speaks not in words but in the worldless language of the heart. It is like an oracle who only speaks the truth.

There are times in our lives where too many voices seem to be pulling us this and that. Our very confusion in such situation is reminder to seek silence and centering within. Only then we are be able to hear our truth.

Want to know more about the Tarot?  Well, probably the best way is to have a reading.  Or if you'd like to learn how to read the Tarot yourself I do offer some lovely courses.  Alternatively, if you enjoyed what you just read you can read more like it over on my blog.

How does the Tarot work?

The basic idea behind the Tarot is very simple – a deck of Tarot cards is made up of 78 cards, each of which has a specific meaning relating to a particular concept of life, or experience. In a Tarot reading, the cards are shuffled, and then laid out in a ‘spread’ – that is a pattern on a table, where each position represents a particular aspect of life, for instance ‘the recent past’, or ‘current emotions’. The reader then looks at how the meaning of a card corresponds to the position it is in, and tells the client what the spread appears to be saying about their current state of life.

This is a simple thing to describe, but it does suggest one very major question – how does it work? How do the cards arrange themselves into a ‘meaningful pattern’? Why should some pieces of cardboard with some pretty pictures on them be able to mysteriously rearrange themselves into an order which tells us about our life and experiences in a detail that often exceeds what we are consciously able to observe?

The first and most important thing to realize is – no one knows for sure. However, it works. Interpreting the Tarot takes many years of practice; depending upon the way in which the cards fall or are laid out in a spread has great bearing on their individual meaning.

Obviously you
can ask the tarot what you like, although it is in fact a vehicle for exposing what you already know. Any card drawn in response to an issue is a direct reflection of what you are sometimes unable or unwilling to recognize at this time. And yet it is only through recognition (without judging as right or wrong) from a detached perspective that you can begin to fully experience your height and depth – all the colors of your rainbow being.

Want to know more about the Tarot?  Well, probably the best way is to have a reading.  Or if you'd like to learn how to read the Tarot yourself I do offer some lovely courses.  Alternatively, if you enjoyed what you just read you can read more like it over on my blog.

What are Tarot Cards

In most people's minds, "Tarot card reading" means a woman in flowing robes, leaning over a small table in a candlelit room, foretelling impending doom.

But that's not really what Tarot cards are about. They are the most powerful sources of information come from within; the Tarot aids in coming in contact with one's Higher Self.

Tarot has been in existence for thousands of years, since ancient Egypt or perhaps even before. The first known use of the Tarot in the West was in the Middle Ages. During those turbulent times, the imagery of the Tarot has been used in many ways as a code to transmit the teachings of the medieval mystery schools. Over time, Tarot has been used in many ways – as a tool for predicting the future, a way to gather unseen about various situations.

Tarot is a visual tool that tells you about your conscious and unconcious motivations, influences and feelings through the images. A Tarot Reader is a medium or an interpreter of the images for the person depending on the question and the focus of the reading.

Every time I tell someone I am a Tarot card reader, the first question that they ask me is: “Do Tarot card readings really work?”

While this question does bring a lot of snarky, smart-alec-y answers to my mind, I normally try to explain some things to these people.

Well, the short-and-sweet, one word answer to this question is: “Yes!”

Tarot card readings do work. And when done correctly, the Tarot cards can be a huge source of guidance and help. They can also be a great way for exploring a variety of creative thinking processes, which do deliver out-of-the-box answers that make you think along a line that you may never have thought on before.


Want to know more about the Tarot?  Well, probably the best way is to have a reading.  Or if you'd like to learn how to read the Tarot yourself I do offer some courses.  Alternatively, if you enjoyed what you just read you can read more like it over on my blog

.

...once in love

I have loved someone so intensely I almost forgot who I was; so deeply I drowned in the same waters I created to supposedly bathe him with a love I haven’t felt before; so big I lost all strength to carry it in my back alone, letting it crush me soon after.

So I have loved someone with all my heart only to end up being killed by its same enormity.
Artwork: Paula

And you can’t tell me love can’t harm anyone. Isn’t there a song about it already? That too much of it will kill you? Murder you? Torture you? Set you ablaze?

So I have loved someone in a way I myself haven’t understood quite fully. I just knew it was there, raggedly breathing, struggling for life every single day.

But then the worst storm came and the ugly realisation of being never loved back by the one you adore most hit me like the waves of Typhoon Haiyan striking the shores of the Philippine islands–obliterating everything in her wake, leaving nothing useful, almost unbearably and unbelievably leaving nothing for tomorrow.

There has been this one period when I seriously thought I wouldn’t make it through, when I just stare at the ceiling, laying flat on the floor, carelessly chasing my respiration patterns as horrible panic attacks came. I remember people looking at me with those puzzled eyes, eventually concluding that everything was an act for attention when in reality you beg for none but peace. I remember his unfeeling words that made me realise how tiny I have been for him–me and my feelings, me and my thoughts, me and my capabilities, potentials, tomorrows, and nows.

So I loved someone and got the worst heartbreak in the history of my life.

And then he came.

You know those days when you’re in the middle of a scorching summer and then the rain came? And it isn’t just a passing drizzle that’s gone just before you enjoy it. I’m talking about torrential rain pouring all of a sudden, not just moistening and damping the cracked and dried-up lands but more like nourishing it and washing away all the dusts and weeds, making it healthier, allowing it to be fertile for flowers to grow on.

That’s what it’s like.

It came almost instantly–the healing. You know when you’re in the worst mood of all time then suddenly you’re favourite vent song came in the radio and you can’t help yourself but sing your heart and lungs and oesophagus out? When you’re in a horrible day and then you saw the dusk and all its colours and suddenly you tell yourself it’s a great world and  a great life and a great time to start anew.

It’s like you screaming with all your might to declare you will never love again, and then suddenly, just suddenly, you did again.

That’s what it’s like.

So I have loved and had suffered the worst heartache in my book.

And then there came someone that washed away all the pain almost too snappily. Almost too sudden, too unreal, too unreasonably fast.

That’s what it’s like.

That’s what it’s like since he came.

Yes, Kangana is a WITCH

A newly married young girl, who smoothly adjusted in her new role as a wife, was once told by her in-laws that she had probably cast a spell on their son as he always supported her, sometimes much against their wishes. What they probably could not understand was that it was no magic that had won her husband over but the love of the woman.

In fact, it is not unusual to see women being labeled or called names. A recent controversy where an actress was called a psychopath and a witch in the same breath should not really shock us. In our society a strong woman who wins personal or professional battles without support is usually not applauded; instead, people busy themselves in finding a reason for her success as if there was a prize to it.

At work, when a woman earns an impressive increment or that well deserved promotion, people in hushed tones discuss why she had it so easy which usually ends up with an affair or closeness to the boss. Obviously, nobody cares to recall the long hours spent and the project deadlines that she has met almost every time.

In our society, the easiest way to put down a woman is to hit where it hurts the most. Point at her morality or question her sanity and you have instantly got a strong, independent woman questioning herself.

It is our society’s inability to accept and deal with women who know what they want and work to get it without playing the damsel in distress that brings out this insecurity. The fact that a woman can do it all and get what a man can get exposes a helplessness that can only be cured if it throws back the woman back to gallows of darkness. Where she must cry and beg for help. In this age old power struggle, it is scary to let any woman rise. It is because, a successful woman would inspire her clan and that can turn the tables overnight in our patriarchal society.
So a woman who expresses her sexuality and chooses her own life partner becomes a slut. A woman who has a sharp mind is usually the black magician who burns the midnight oil while pricking voodoo dolls. And God bless the woman with a sharp tongue. She is the worst of them all. For it is this woman who questions and answers back. No wonder, in this side of the world, everybody wants a well educated bride so that she can be shown off as a trophy but nobody wants her to speak!

Thankfully, the new breed of  women have developed a strong immunity towards all this name calling and are striving harder than before to attain their individual potentials, while the world is left gaping too awestruck to call her anything but a STAR, and a magical one at that!


Happiness is…that inward journey

The other day I woke with a voice in my head. “No words” it said, over and over. Accompanying the voice was a sharp headache, which sent shock waves through my being when I moved too quickly. The message seemed clear to me. “Slow down, shut up and listen!”

However exciting, the noise, activity and distraction of city life can be overwhelming. Whether a brief visitor or a long-term resident, we often lack the resources to carve out quiet time. A friend of mine, who is an artist in New York, once gave me some advice. “In the country, there is lots of space outside, but in the city, I find I need to create more internal space.” It reminds me of a question once asked on a meditation retreat. “How can we “go out” whilst “staying in”? How can we be in and of the world whilst maintaining the equilibrium and peace of mind we need to negotiate our days with grace and clarity?


I felt I needed some air, so I took myself out into the street and sauntered into the square nearby. At the stroke of noon, a tinkle of bells began to peal and I couldn’t help but follow the sound. Still walking ever so slowly, I felt my feet connect with the cobblestones, my hands reaching out to stroke ancient walls. I found myself led to a garden, where fresh water flowed through an ornate fountain. I was drawn to the way the light fell into the courtyard, spilling shadows over ornately-carved doors. Bustling tourists hurried past me with cameras, clicking and moving on, clicking and moving on, while I paused, breathed, contemplated.

My journey that day led me to take a seat in the sun and enjoy the music from a talented busker playing music in the nearby chowk. An ancient palm tree told tales of long ago merchants and scholars…a centuries-old synagogue offered up long-held secrets…an intriguing mural gave insight into a local community and a hidden school yard sheltered children playing freely. I was moved to regard the older residents of Pune ambling through the place they know so well, and for a moment, my mind stopped its ceaseless racing and my senses gathered in close. For a while, I tuned in to a different pace and time. More at home, both within myself, and without.

A Rosy Tale of Winter

This city has started taking place in my heart. With the green monsoon, here comes the winter!

There comes a day when the early rising Punekar will step out of his house, pause in slight surprise, and try to clear his eyes. When the blurriness remains, the he realizes that the light fog is to blame for the reduced visibility and that winter has arrived on padded feet.

Winter arrives quietly in Pune and is greeted with relief by the city. Pune has always lived, figuratively and literally, in the shadow of a metropolis that makes much of its monsoons. But winter is a season Pune can lay claim to as its own. Unlike the disruptive machismo of the Bombay rains, Pune's winter is gentle in both arrival and tenure, mirroring the  happy and laid-back ways of the place. A trip down the sleek Mumbai-Pune expressway through the misty Western Ghats more than amplifies this difference.

In the Pink The phrase that the locals use to describe the first month of the winter says it all. Punekars bask in “gulaabii thandii”, literally the “rosy cold”. During this time, citizens, in their light woolens, can be seen bearing a light rosiness of both cheek and demeanor.

Since Pune's winters are temperate, especially in comparison with the frigid bitterness of many North Indian towns, they can rouse residents to action rather than cause them to cower behind a thick quilt. Once the indolence of the early cold morning is defeated, a walk in the balmy ambiance is the best way to kick off a day. Given that parts of commercially booming Pune are sometimes be-deviled by smog towards the evenings, the mornings remain the best time to soak up the sun-kissed winter at the 'tekri'.

A favorite‘ tekdi’ or hillock. Pune is blessed with an abundance of these easy-to-climb hillocks, which offer vantage views of the city, especially in the late evenings. Many of these tekdis have a temple at the summit, providing the spiritually-minded with a reward for their exertions. For the more material at heart, tekdis also offer flat summits for exploration and the pleasant company of fellow wanderers.

A favorite variation of this is to walk up the nearest

Winter is also Avian Season for bird watchers. Many lakes in and around Pune receive several varieties of migratory birds. Pune has inspired many as amateur ornithologists.

Since winters in Pune rarely descend into single digit temperatures, the city is never hobbled by the weather. As January ends and the sun becomes less oblique, winter fades away just as gently as it arrived. Each year, the hard-to-impress Pune old-timer will insist that the city was not what it used to be. But come next November, this sentiment will be assuaged by the winters of Pune's content.


Rain in Winter

There were intrepid clouds, heavy nimbus, shades of violet, purple, greys and a peculiar orange circumscribing the skies. Fields of yonder, accustomed to the Sunshine, its dazzle and warmth... Wanted the soothe of the rain drops, the first mirth of the fertility awaiting the green grass and flowers of all colours... The scent of the earth and the song of the air on beats of thunder. And so it rained. It rained, clouds of the South Sky did pour. Drenched Soul.. Soaring spirits. Love, may be in Pune.

....before there was the first inflorescence, colours vanished away from the flower palettes. May be it rained too heavy. May be it din’t rain as much.

Charm, as it is, what goes around comes around...some molten shades, evaporated and amalgamated in the clouds that had decided to pour. They came with the show of glamour, lightening along to keep the Earth mesmerized  And like a magician, the clouds did spellbound the heart and soul, which were more than ever young this season. My dear city, happy with some rains somewhere, hopeful of the clouds that would come and pour unconditionally.

(Unconditional, has a clause yet of having no condition. Expectations seeps in, in form of being formless.)

And we, yearning and learning, passively. Praying some rains, though dismaying the clouds. Nature has its own plan, destiny its own. Dried up earth was soon to be sold.

And then it was to happen. Divinity into action. This time of the celesta, the darkest clouds, thick with hues of gravity, each shade conveying its own virtue. The smoked browns talked of the experiences carried along while floating till this patch of Land, blues talking of the depth the cloud had, the intensity it had, the rains it can cast. Grays telling the stories of the unexpected , the Blacks talking aloud of the ability to engulf, some White here and there telling of the silence that wisdom attains and that glistening violet, the unending enigma! This was it. The rains were to come... it had to pour. The bosom of the Earth had to be damp. It had to be damp to be off the enrapture of being barren . Be off the mirage of clouds. For this time it was real. It was to stay. Forever.


And it rained. There was a melody in the heart of the Earth, there was a poem in the rain drops, there was harmony in nature. A Love Song was born. Perpetual One. 

Dream Job – Made in China

I had the perfect job. The one I always wanted—in an exciting industry, for a big name company, with a title that says I get to do what I love all day long. Except for that—well, I hate it.

It's painful to admit it. My job went from being the greatest job ever to being a horrible job. It took a few months so I didn't completely realize it was happening. And speaking from experience, the grieving and recovery process is quite long.

I know, at some point in your career – maybe at multiple points – you’re probably going to have a bad boss but when that person turns into a real nightmare, it’s explainable. And as it turns out, a terrible boss doesn't just impact the way you work in the office. It affects your entire life.

...And if your peers are women! Forget the sisterhood. Forget smashing a hole through the glass ceiling and throwing a rope ladder down to her younger female colleagues. The Queen Bee is alive and well and — watch out — possibly sitting at the desk next to you.

A Queen Bee is someone who has worked her way up to the top in a male-dominated organisation! Rest I leave it up to you to decide and in my case I had two of them.

I have been witness to people exploiting their positions for their personal gains. These ‘higher authority’s feedback were biased and echoed no work ethic. When the time came for my evaluations, my bosses gave me a 15 min. lecture about how to ‘act’ like the Queen Bees. I guess, such is the way to climb up the ladder in A-grade media houses in India. Shorter your pants, bigger your salary!

"In this economy," we're told, "you should be thankful you have a job at all." Well, yes... But also; no.

Being able to support yourself is important, of course, but anyone who is aware of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs will tell you that once your basic needs are covered, you'll automatically yearn for more. You may have a job, a home, a husband and children, and still wonder, 'Is that all there is?'

If you're young and ambitious, it's not enough to have a job - you have to have the job. There is so much emphasis on a coveted career: a job that doesn't just sound cool, but which gives other people a case of the green-eyed monster. When I was a kid, everyone wanted to be a doctor or a lawyer. These days, we want to be do-it-yourself millionaires, zippy entrepreneurs or wacky internet personalities.
For the people stuck in this trap, the appearance of the job matters more than the reality. But why slave away to impress people you don't even like?

But , imagine you’re “living the dream,” as you told your proud parents and envious friends upon receiving the offer letter. When you walk through those fancy doors to your fairy-tale
job every day with Katy Perry’s “Firework” blasting in your head, all you can think is: “The perks! The title! The bragging rights!” Who cares that you’re working 90 hours a week and your boss is a borderline psychopath? You’ve “made it,” and there’s no looking back!

With time I figured out, I was spending most of my effort each day trying to take on the persona I needed for the position I wanted—a persona that just didn’t come naturally to me. It was exhausting, and no matter how hard I tried to force it to be a fit, it just wasn’t.

My admission came when I got off of work exhausted and bullied by my bosses, yet again, raced to the nearest pub to meet my girlfriends, and burst into tears when they asked how my day was. (Of course, while sobbing, I swore up and down, “I’m really happy though, guys!” until they held a compact mirror in my face and asked, “Oh, really? Is that what happiness looks like?” (Touché.)

I struggled to get past the feeling that I was giving up the perfect opportunity—the opportunity I’d been wanting for so long, one that “most people would kill for.” And one day, I decided to throw my resignation letter up on my boss’s face who’s nothing but a faff. And I did just that.


It took a while for me to recover from such a trauma. My fiancé who’s my husband now, were very supportive. At times, it’s very important to have a partner who understands your needs even before you say. Yes, here comes the best part of this job – I got married. And like a knight in armour (pun intended) R flew me in his (well...Indigo’s) jet and I went from a world of meetings and suits where people listened to my opinion to being a nobody writing a book in a cafe.

Caught Between Eternity and History

       
In an iron boat
Loaded with stones,
A bundle of poison on his head,
He wants to cross over.
- Kabir
Pic: Random
We are losing time. Not the usual, in the Sense of growth and development. But our own racial sense of time in which few weeks from now, no new millennium commences nor the 21st century begins. The West has succeeded in making an entirely Gregorian calendar-event the 20th century, a global century.  This has happened for the first time in human history. We still celebrate our religious ceremonies, social events such as marriages etc. according to our own calendars; but in our public life, we have adopted the western time, its calendar and the other accompanying notion. The 19th century was not globally acknowledged as the 19th century of mankind but the 20th century, in spite of the fact that new man who was expected to emerge out of the revolution failed to and also of the fact that the Western colonialism disappeared in this century itself. But the Western time, its ideological hold on us has taken over. We are about to lose our time.

Personal Archives
The popular notion (in fact a purely orientalist construct) that the Golden Age of India, when it contributed to the world, ideas and knowledge, technologies and wisdom, insights and visions, ended by about 10th  century. We are, since then, living in the dark medieval ages, a kind of posthumous existence, as it were. This, although all the modern Indian Languages except the classical Sanskrit and Tamil emerged and grew in this millennium; great and masterly literature was produced in most of them; Indian classical music and dances as we know them today emerged and grew during this period; interaction with Islam and its culture brought about among other things a new language, new architecture and new schools of painting; hundreds of styles, forms and streams of popular craft, theatre, poetry etc. flourished and new concepts and practice of statehood, kinship, warfare etc. came about Also, during this period Shastras continued to be created in Sanskrit relating to poetics, medicine, sexology, architecture, music etc. In the 19th century India had more books written and translated into Persian than in Persia itself. The current cultural and intellectual amnesia prevents us from realizing that the intellectual traditions as well as the creative and innovative spirit remained alive and vibrant throughout the millennium. It can be, and ought to be, seen as a  new flowering of  the Sanskrit civilization. Sanskrit itself, as it were, flowed into many streams Hindi, Kanada, Assamese, Punjabi, Malayalam etc.; Sanskrit no longer as a classical purity, but as so many ‘bhashas’.

Personal Archives
In the West-observed amnesia we have missed to register and appreciate the true importance of four great modern in the last millennium i.e. Amir Khusro, Kavir, Tulsidas and Galib, Amir Khusro, was a warrior, poet, musician, innovator who brought to bear upon the literary sensibility a new sense of humour, a sense of the surreal, an outsider reaching into the inside combining Persian with Khari Boli. Kabir, rooted as he was firmly in his faith, questioned the current religions, practices and rituals of both Hindus and Muslims; family ties; affiliations etc.; problematized the access to God and asserted that the whole world was ablaze “each in his own fire”. Tulsidas, a scholar-poet, created a new epic in a dialect reinventing the Ram legend and radicalizing the Bhakti cult by envisaging an almost counter-state, the Ram-Rajya. Galib brought a most questioning spirit to the Indian poetic tradition, looking askance at being and putting the modern individual, lonesome and demythologized, without certainties of faith, religion and history at the centre-stage. It is true we became modern largely due to our encounter with the West. But it was not inevitable. The foursome, mentioned above, had already radicalized our situation in the world and brought us to confront ourselves boldly and created entirely new forms to contain our anguish, predicament and anxieties. The coded, ‘upside down’ ulatbansis of Kabir (translated in his century alone by three very different masters namely Rabindra Nath Tagore, Ezra Pound and Robert Bly); the epical mode of “Ramcharitmanas’ of Tulsidas domesticating in a popular dialect the great Sanskrit legend and investing it with new meanings in the bargain and the interrogative strain of the ghazal of Ghalib are all path-breaking departures not merely in the Indian literary history but in all history.  If the modern could be defined as a moment precariously poised between eternity and history, here in India it was history intervening in terms of eternity rather than history superceding the eternal as seems to have happened in the West and the modernist movements it has influenced the world over.

India is a civilization. There are hundreds of culture in the world but very few civilizations and India is one of them. It has survived as a continuum whereas the Greek, the Roman, the Mayan, the Egyptian have all but disappeared.  It has survived largely through its plurality.  We are one because we are so many.  So, many of the age-old traditions of India have survived because they have been internalizing changes all the time.  They change and through change remain the same.  Here, in India the dichotomy of tradition and change, tradition and modern ’in practice hardly obtains. Tradition is essentially a tradition of change.  Indian classical music and dance are interesting examples of this. Over the 3-4 hundred years they have undergone many crucial changes and yet have remained true to their origins and spirit.  The classical in India is by the same token contemporary.

In the millennium gone by many forms of orality moved over to written forms.  Form Vedic chants to the ‘banis’ of the numerous Saint-poets. This transfer has deeply influenced the participative nature of many of these forms. Poetry, for inc, having moved to the written and later the printed page seems to have receded from, that other indestructible page of human mind, memory, It ceased to be utterance; of late, sadly in many ways, it has become almost a noise.  On the one hand, the social accessibility of literature has increased but, on the other, its social place has receded.

Pic: Random
Shrikant Verma in a memorable distinction between liberation and freedom had proposed that liberation was an individual goal to be attained and was accorded a central place in the scheme of thing in India. The west brought us the more social concept of freedom to be achieved through social action and effort. Like between eternity and history, we seen to be caught between liberation and freedom.  It would appear that towards the end of this century, liberation both as a concept and practice is receding and freedom is taking over. The much-talked human rights refer not to liberation but to freedom.  This shift is deeply influencing our beliefs and value-perceptions.

During the past Indians excelled in what they did to voice, stone and mind. The great temples surviving for centuries in timeless splendour; the utter abstraction attained in classical music and the metaphysical complexities, the linguistics and the grammar are all mind-boggling achievements for those times. It would appear that, engaged as it is in the modernist project, India seems to be losing its hold on voice, on complexities, indeed on languages. Din and noise, coarseness, giant simplifications, impatience for subtleties of living and expression, distrust in mother tongues are all writ large on the face of contemporary India.

Personal Archives
But fortunately, the visible India is not all India.  There is a creatively vibrant India, and intellectually alive India, a metaphysically anxious India, and an India continuing to be a civilizational enterprise. The traditional resources of creativity and imagination, of reflection and articulation have not completely dried up and are appearing in new transmutations.  In fact, there are so many India’s –often in conflict and sometimes in dialogue with each other.  The eternal India at war with the historical India; the political India struggling to overcome the cultural India; the intellectual India uprooted from the popular India; the secular India trying to come to terms with the spiritual India. In short, many ideas of India grasping and coping with many realities of India. It is not possible to talk of India in singular; it is plural even as an entity.  It is not coincidental that besides being the largest democracy of the world, it is the most multi-religious and multi-lingual country of the world. We are like the whole of Europe but all within the borders of a single country.

We are neither at the end nor at any brink. We are a tale not yet fully told. We are a human saga still incomplete.  We are a caravan forever on the move.  We have partly moved into the post-modern and partly continue to inhabit the classical. We have taken a new face. We are launched upon a new journey. And yet our own wisdom tells us at any time that it is more important to keep on moving them reaching the goal. We are, no doubt, on the move. We exist in the dimension of eternity and yet we operate in history. We have so far negotiated this rather well.

It is ‘Yogvashishtha’ which centuries ago said: “The world is like the impression left by telling of a story”, India is a story not yet fully told. We are all minor story-tellers, dressed in our unearned immodesty, picking up fragments of an epic story, which goes not and shall never finish. Not is the next millennium either.