Dear S,
Sending you this letter is taking an incredible risk, as
what I say here may jade you further against me. However, I have not been
forthcoming about where I have been over the years, and honesty is the only way
this is going to work. I do intend to write this seriously but the truth is
sometimes best when, as Al Franken once noted, "it is tinged with
jokes".
Given a forward mindset, a good sense of humour, and a solid
sense of self, we can both become incredible people. I believe you can
become the fantastic, assertive, self-defined man you seek to be. In
retrospect, I see that you have always fought to define yourself separate of
others. In short, doubt not that my trust or belief in you has changed. You are
ultimately someone I will always consider a friend.
I have been given a
chance to stop, consider myself as to who I am becoming, and have subsequently
chosen a much different path than I would have if we had continued. I am intent
upon becoming my best self, someone whose actions are speaking louder than her
words, and whom outwardly displays the inward quietness she desires. I’ve
lacked focus the past years I’ve been and you dealt marvellously with that.
Trust that I am still weird, just more thoughtful about it, “consciously weird”
if you will.
We threw ourselves together without quite looking where we
were stepping at first. That was a mistake on both our parts, I think. The
excitement of finding someone you are both truly attracted to and deeply care
for is a powerful force, and I realise now the responsibility it requires in
its handling and display.
I had no say in the
how and when you ended the relationship, but I had total say in what I chose to
do with the rather painful experience. And now, so many years later, I fully
appreciate your coming into my life and exiting it right on schedule. I believe
it all unfolded divinely – even thought it sure didn’t feel like it at the
time. At the time, I felt like my life was over, but really only that chapter
was, and it was up to me to carve out a new life – which I believe I’ve done.
If anyone had asked
me years ago whether I would have ever forgiven you for walking out on me, I
most-certainly would have said “no way”, but time, as it’s been said, is a
great healer.
So I want to say thank
you for loving me and for leaving me. I needed it, as much as a child
needs a slap on the face. You made me to realise to 'hold' on to a
relationship, to nurture talents individually and to let go of the inhibitions.
You made me to go out 'there' and pursue a career which I was most uncertain
about.
I could never have
made it this far without you dumping me. I can honestly say that in many ways, I
feel that “being dumped was one of the best things that have ever happened to
me”. You might even say I’ve made a career out of it…
With that, forwards to happiness. I don’t know what turns
our respective paths will take, but I do believe that they will both be
incredible and fantastic beyond our wildest dreams.
Thank you for being
my lover, my best friend and confidante for the years we were together.
Thanks for those
little evenings outs and roll over few pegs.
Thank you for the hilarious
comments – which may be what I miss most about you…
Thank you for all
those times you chatted to my friends when you might not be even in a mood to
talk and thanks for being the type of guy that mixed so well and happily with
my friends.
Thank you for all
those times you made me feel special, treasured and beautiful especially on
days when I just couldn’t see it.
Finally thank you
for being supportive and also supporting me.
P.S. It may appear I am not “over you” – but never from the moment you ended
it, did I ever, ever, ever want you back. This was meant to be uplifting - to show
I had learned and grown from the experience and was even grateful for it – and
not that I am pathetic for writing this out years on. It’s all good, I’m still
breathing…
